Dear Lord —
I’ve been living in turdhole for 29 years and I have got to get the fuck out of here, like, pronto. I mean, this is Oklahoma City, for Christ’s sake. You’ve seen this place, right?
So here’s the deal. I’ll put this goddamned bible in the front entryway, maybe convert a couple of people, you know, casually welcome them back to the Lord. And you, in return, will take this monstrosity off my hands so I can retire to my condo in Boca Raton.
Deal? You rock.
Signed, Oblivious in the OC