Hi. My name is Margo. Thanks for coming to our open house. Let me show you around.
Below your feet is vintage, rose-colored carpeting purchased in 1973. You might enjoy this on cold winter nights, but mostly, it will just give you vertigo.
Above the television, you’ll notice the grassy, heart-shaped wreath carefully crafted by seniors at the last Happy Hay Harvest in downtown Peoria. They have been extremely popular in certain feed stores.
To your left, you’ll notice a cat scratcher, which can be yours at no extra cost — NO EXTRA COST. Act now and the owner will throw in twelve free hairballs.
And finally, there’s me, Margo. Anyone with an antenna can find me starring in some half-assed reality show on basic cable.
So, to recap. You get the ugly rug, the stupid heart, stanky cat scratcher and, me, Margo, if you buy this house. Our operators are waiting for your call.